Posted by: sailingspirit | April 11, 2011

No Independence

I wake up alone, with nowhere to go.
I watch the TV, the window, the world go by.
Maybe I’ll check the mailbox
But you’re not there.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I read a book, or two or seven
Temporary escapes from my life
Eventually, they are no longer consoling
The words are not from you.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I stand at the refrigerator,
open door, open mouth
nothing tastes good, nothing satisfies
My hunger is for you.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I try to leave the country
They said it will be fun
The black water haunts me
I get no closer to you.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

Mom and Dad come and go,
Loving, concerned.
I try my best to look okay
In silence, I cry again.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I break away for an hour
Dance, teach, remember
Many fans, a little money
Walking, the rain hides my tears.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

Weekly meeting makes me dress,
Makes me leave the house
They say I have the world to gain,
I feel I’ve lost it all.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

Familiar faces, familiar places,
People hug and smile.
My heart will not let me say it
It clogs up in my throat.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

Trying to be close to you,
Needed comfort comes with pain
I wrap myself in your blanket, chair
Cry myself to sleep.

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I hear the words I recognize
But cannot understand
Similar but not the same
My heart knows, not my man

Day fades, night comes,
No meaning, it’s all a blur.

I try to be grateful
Flowers, show, food,
I would have rather been alone
Nothing comes from you.

Night fades, day comes
the minutes feel like hours

She says his name is Ali
She wants to see Dubai
Why her and not me?
I turn away my eyes.

The clock ticks in the other room
I can hear it nagging

No champagne, no celebration
I stare at the album, closed
It hurts too much to open it
One Year, I cannot let go…..

Day fades, night comes
No meaning, it’s all a blur

3rd was bleak and tough to bear
No happy independence on the 4th
The 10th looms ever closer
My life has turned to X’s on the wall

Day fades, night comes
No meaning, it’s all a blur

I try to out smart it, out run it, hide
The days keep coming to spite me
I cannot bear to be forgotten
The silence haunts me like a ghost.

Darkness to Darkness,
A day missed, no matter

So much I want to say
I love you, I’m proud, good luck,
All I have is a picture
Its smile brings no laughter.



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